Feeling Low on Your Birthday? Here’s How to Overcome the Birthday Blues

When I woke up on my birthday with that familiar sense of dread, I thought to myself, There’s no way I’m the only one who feels like this. And, as it turns out, I’m not. Feeling low on your birthday is a very real and surprisingly common experience, I have since learned.

What are the Birthday Blues?

Birthday blues, also known as birthday depression, can feel like sadness, anxiety, or even a complete sense of emotional exhaustion in the days leading up to your birthday, on the day itself, and sometimes even after. For me, it’s usually a mix of low energy, overthinking about the fact that I’m nowhere near where I want to be in life, and an overwhelming pressure to somehow make the day special – when all I really want to do is hide under the covers and disappear.

Each year, almost like clockwork, I find myself avoiding my birthday entirely. I’ve even removed it from my social media—partly for privacy (or at least that’s what I tell people), but mostly because I just don’t want the attention, the pressure, or to face the fact that I’m getting older. At work, I never mention it. The idea of being surprised with cake and candles and being asked how old I’m turning (for the 35th time) fills me with more dread than joy.

More often than not, I end up sobbing in bed before the day has even properly started. I stress about whether or not I should celebrate it, only to panic and plan something very last minute, which ends up being chaotic and emotionally draining for everyone involved.

But This Year Was Different

This year, I didn’t cry. I didn’t feel that deep wave of sadness or that tight grip of anxiety in my chest that almost cripples me. I just felt… okay. Which, honestly, confused me. I couldn’t quite put my finger on why, but something had shifted.

So, I started go back and reflect. What had I done differently this year?

• I began the year with a simple 5-minute exercise to set intentions two weeks before my birthday, which gave me clarity and direction.
• I made a list of everything that went well the year before, rather than obsessing over what didn’t and how far away I was from where I wanted to be.
• I didn’t worry about getting older or what I hadn’t yet accomplished. I really tried to tackle this with logic. For example, Of course, I am getting older. I cannot turn back time. I might not have accomplished that thing yet, but look at all the steps taken so far to get closer to this point.
• And maybe it’s because my support network had completely changed (a story for another day, maybe), and I felt like the people around me were more supportive and made me feel more grounded within my new circle of friends. I felt like these people were with me and supporting me, rather than attempting to pull me down.

Why Do We Get the Birthday Blues?

The more I learned about it, the more I realised that a birthday—while “just another day”—can bring your world to a grinding halt and stir up a lot of emotions that were probably already there. A few reasons why people might feel this way are:

• Fear of getting older: For some, milestone birthdays like 30, 40, or 50 are hard, as we’re forced to confront our age and, with it, our mortality.
• The fear of death (Thanatophobia): Birthdays remind us that time is passing, and each year brings us closer to the end.
• You’re not where you want to be: Birthdays can be a loud reminder that you feel behind in life (I know this feeling all too well).
• Pressure to enjoy the day: Everyone else seems to love celebrating birthdays. But what if we don’t feel that way? The phrase “Is there something wrong with me?” bubbles up in my brain.
• Remembering past events: A previous birthday might have gone poorly or be tied to a painful memory. Those feelings can resurface each year.
• “Is it just me again?”: If you’ve lost touch with friends, moved cities, or left everything to the last minute and no one can celebrate with you, birthdays can amplify feelings of feeling like you are alone – even if you’re not actually alone.
• High expectations: When others don’t celebrate us the way we hoped—or don’t remember at all—it can be deeply disappointing.
• Stress of planning: Trying to organise the “perfect” celebration is overwhelming. Who to invite, what to do, and the fear of no one showing up can be anxiety-inducing. (Yes, I’ve seen the Instagram Reels about this—and yes, it’s unlocked a new fear for me.)

So, What Helps?

Birthdays can bring up a lot of memories, expectations, sadness and growth all in one day. But, as I have learned, it can also be an opportunity for self-reflection, intention-setting and grace for yourself.

So, if you’re feeling the birthday blues coming on, just know that you are no alone. And maybe, just maybe, with a few small shifts in mindset and self-care, your next birthday might feel a little less heavy too.